Yesterday I went to see the Nutcracker here. It was beautiful!!! Fantastic set, exquisite costumes, wonderful dancers. Daughter No 2 gave inspired birthday presents to myself and Daughter No 1 in the form of tickets and very graciously accompanied us. We had the perfect girly evening :) . Its not very often now they have their own partners , homes and busy careers that we do get together in this way and I really do appreciate it, The gift of their time is very precious to me . We tottered off ( we had dressed for the evening!) to a very smart hotel bar afterwards for cocktails...well one cocktail as three Mohitos turned out to cost £27....now i know I am getting old as I was truly jawdroppingly astonished at the cost of three albeit very nice drinks .A middle aged couple who sat on a sofa opposite us didn't speak during the whole duration of their visit and I am convinced it was due to the fact they were in shock. They didn't look like seasoned going outers, and I imagine that the conversation on the journey home was a mutually agreed decision not to venture out amongst city folk again! I think it will kick start the festive season for me very nicely. I have always adored Christmas and the lead up to it , but last year for some reason , i really didn't feel the festive spirit much at all. I tried not to let on to my best beloveds and I hope they didn't twig. I really hope Scroogitus isnt another symptom of the menopause , I would hate to have my love of Christmas taken away from me. Money is always an issue but I have had more worryingly skint years than last year , anyway, fingers crossed the magic will kick in.
Today i have had some very sad moments as I thought back to when my darling daughters were small and spent much of their time at ballet classes and worn pink satin slippers , leotards and bun nets littered our home. I had lump in the throat memories of them copying madonnas dance moves and I just wished I was back there, 20 years ago , in long since sold house's sitting room watching them . Maybe its because I had such a nice time yesterday, and I had all three children under one roof overnight, which again rarely happens anymore but i have cried and cried today . I wish I had taken a photograph of them all the kitchen in various states of undress. Daughter No 1 in her brothers t shirt , daughter No 2 in pink pjs , and the darling only son( the baby of the bunch at 22 ) barefoot and bare chested in just his jeans scratching his full grizzy adams beard and declaring he couldn't wait til the end of No shave November it was going to have to be trimmed today!
I know I should count my blessings and I do, I wouldnt really like to go back in time and go through the awful bitter divorce from their father , and I am not unhappy now , I just do have huge nostalgia for the time when they were young , I loved it and I wouldn't have missed a moment , despite all the arguments, mess and anxiety that living with growing children brings.