Sunday, 27 November 2011

Nuts at Christmas

Yesterday I went to see the Nutcracker here. It was beautiful!!! Fantastic set, exquisite costumes, wonderful dancers. Daughter No 2 gave inspired birthday presents to myself and Daughter No 1 in the form of tickets and very graciously accompanied us. We had the perfect girly evening :) . Its not very often now they have their own partners , homes and busy careers that we do get together in this way and I really do appreciate it, The gift of their time is very precious to me . We tottered off ( we had dressed for the evening!) to a very smart hotel bar afterwards for cocktails...well one cocktail as three Mohitos turned out to cost £ i know I am getting old as I was truly jawdroppingly astonished at the cost of three albeit very nice drinks .A middle aged couple who sat on a sofa opposite us didn't speak during the whole duration of their visit and I am convinced it was due to the fact they were in shock. They didn't look like seasoned going outers, and I imagine that the conversation on the journey home was a mutually agreed decision not to venture out amongst city folk again!     I think it will kick start the festive season for me  very nicely. I have always adored Christmas and the lead up to it , but last year for some reason , i really didn't feel the festive spirit much at all. I tried not to let on to my best beloveds and I hope they didn't twig. I really hope Scroogitus  isnt another symptom of the menopause , I would hate to have my love of Christmas taken away from me. Money is always an issue  but I have had more worryingly skint years than last year , anyway, fingers crossed the magic will kick in.
 Today i have had some very sad moments as I thought back to when my darling daughters were small and spent much of their time at ballet classes and worn pink satin slippers , leotards and bun nets littered our home.  I had lump in the throat memories of them copying  madonnas dance moves  and I just wished I was back there, 20 years ago  , in long since sold house's sitting room watching them  . Maybe its because I had such a nice time yesterday, and I had all three children under one roof overnight, which again rarely happens anymore but i have cried and cried today . I wish I had taken a photograph of them all the kitchen in various states of undress. Daughter No 1 in her brothers   t shirt , daughter No 2 in pink pjs  , and the darling only son( the baby of the bunch at 22 ) barefoot and bare chested in just his jeans scratching his full grizzy adams beard and declaring he couldn't wait til the end of  No shave November it was going to have to be trimmed today!
I know I should count my blessings and I do, I wouldnt really like to go back in time and go through the awful bitter  divorce from their father , and I am not unhappy now , I just do have huge nostalgia for the time when they were young , I loved it and I wouldn't have missed a moment  , despite all the arguments, mess and anxiety that living with  growing children brings.

Monday, 21 November 2011

'Every time I saw one of her mindless posts about stupid cute animals it reminded me how shit she made me feel, so I decided to remove her from my friends list'
Surrogate daughter at work, was reminding me why my facebook is sparsely populated with family and friends
Her unsatisfactorily concluded  fling was there every day staring her in the face, having a happy life without her in it! It made me realise that these days our baggage follows us heavily around wherever we go and whatever we are doing in our lives .Only son recently split from his girlfriend of more than 7 years . From the outside at least, they had a serious considered and calm relationship,they had planned a future. For me (and her), the end came out of the blue.She fled back' home' , to another city that hadnt been home for more than three years, in sheer misery distress, and bewilderment. Yet here we all were , her  very recently ex , and his family still invading her space, all getting on with our lives and telling the world about how many jam sandwiches we had  that day, courtesy of facebook, tumblr and the rest.
 As if the world hadn't shifted heartrendingly  on its axis. 
She had to remove him from her friends list... 
 Was it easier in the past when a break up meant distance and lack of contact? It was a chance to regroup, lick your wounds and heal in privacy without anyone picking at your scabs with the published and public evidence of all the fun they are having accompanied by the pictures to prove it . Mind you , back in the day , you would have most likely only had any liaisons of any kind with a 'local' person. You would have had to be tough out on the front step/shop/dance hall/cafe , where you might encounter their mother, next door neighbour Uncle Tom and Aunty Brenda  et al. Still, folk in the flesh are generally more polite than their FB personas and you would be  unlikely to be shown a snapshot of ' our Luke snogging that trollop friend of yours, you know the one he left you for ....' so personal exchanges would probably be less fraught than the unintentional  insensitivity of a social networking site. 
I dunno what it all means
I do know that I will be keeping my friends list small, and in truth I only joined to spy on my children......